I guess it was the deprivation of "calorie counting" and the not "truly listening" to my body that got me into this mess. When I started losing weight, I never ate what I wanted. I ate what was low calorie and usually not satisfying. Or I would eat and eat and eat, even though I was already full, all because I had extra calories remaining for the day.
Last year, I started working in the real world part-time as a bank teller. Before this, I would eat every 2-3 hours like clockwork (a little yogurt with fiber one cereal, a luna bar, you get the idea--low calorie foods). Well, at the bank, this was unheard of. We opened at 8:15am, you get an hour break for lunch, and then we close at 6:30pm! This threw a loop into my "diet." Needless to say, when I got out of work, I just HAD to go to the gym to get my workout in and then go home starving and eat until my calories were all up.
I believe this eating pattern and also stress from the job (I was robbed at gunpoint a month after I started working...) has led me to where I am today--20 pounds heavier with binge eating and midnight eating issues. I've read some self-help books (eg. Geneen Roth's Breaking Free From Compulsive Eating) and just recently started seeing a therapist, whom shall be called "Dr. T." With this combination of therapy and blogging and journaling, I believe I can and will overcome this disorder.
I am a perfectionist and expect results right away. Well, Julie, this won't be a quick fix! It's going to be "One day at a time." Perfection doesn't last.
You CAN train your mind to think positively!! Dr. T gave me homework. She wants me to be more aware of my thoughts. I have to tell my self, "slow it down" and "there's no rush" when I wake up in the morning and the first thing I want to do is eat everything! so I have done that...and AWARENESS is something I totally have.
Now...it's time to use that awareness and bring it to the next step: taking ACTION.
